Little heart with big ambition...

I had been away from home since june the 30 2008...since then i never post anything here was because of inconcistency and insufficient of time for me to write a blog and also internet connection was another issue behind it. The place that i lived in was not ideal environment for writting the blog for you.

You know someone i intended to write a blog for her somewhere in this world..should you know who you are right now if not then later i will tell you. hehe...Come back to the story my dear, actually i got a lot of things that i want to tell you but you seldom online erm..so i create this blog to record it then so when you're free you can check it out.

I already mention this before, i've been away from home one month already...first i went to KL for intensive training then came to Miri for pratical training for 3 months non stop...it makes me miz home for the first time in 24 years and 8 months now... After 2 weeks in Shah Alam...the worst days i ever suffered since i was born into this world. Every dinner that i take was from mamak stall, not transportation to go to somewhere else. if want to go then need to pay 20 to 30 ringgit to get to petalling jaya or KL. It was suffered in both physical and mentally, thank god i got a colleague from Sabah and pennisular M'sia was so nice to me so that i can overcome this test of my life.

After 15 days, me and my colleague from Sabah came to Miri for our practical training and as expected it was quite fun and relax in east m'sia compare to the west. Then all of the sudden my colleague need to rush back to KK coz the branch over thr need immediate assistant.. So the worst come to my mind, i am going to be alone again... After 24 years 8 months i still alone, the one i really one to have but never get near to it..Just like i missed out the chance of getting to know you in the year 2000 during we are form 4 . I really regret for not taking any action...Ok let the unhappy thing past and look forward to the new start and a new turn in my destiny on you..

I am the guy that sent smiles on ur frenster once or fortnightly that asking you how are you..and all sort of question.. i am willing to do it again..the incident that made me do this was when i started working recently.. i am too lonely, staying in a room alone, driving to work alone dinner sometime have sometime don have you know why?? I felt guilty of thinking to get your replacement hahaha..really though..maybe caused by loneliness.

I was alone because god know that i am guilty to have an intention of finding a replacement. So god punished me with lonelines i guess hehehe.. So when really think about it on what i really want. It was you some one i really hope to have in my lifetime. In this lifetime, i can live without mercedes-benz, i can live without credit cards but i am going to get 1 soon because my boss required me to get 1 anyway hehe, i can live without detached house and i can't live without you...the thing that i like in you was not your profession and your property.

All i want in you was your gentle and smile on me in school. You smile is like giving me a sun during midnight. Or a bucket of charcoal or firewood in winter. Your smile gave me strength which enable me to face toughest situation in my life...When i was in the lowest point of my life, the only thing i hope to see was you and your smile on me then i will became stronger and fight with my full stregh to overcome the situation. Because when a person in trouble, they should think of positive thing then they can survive the toughest situation. You are my hero and boosting my confidence all the time when i think about you.

For the past one month, if it not because of you in my heart i already give up i think, all because of you, my desire to stay put in KL and Miri was successful. Your name, your face motivated me everyday 24/7 and 365 a years for the pass 7 years... that y i am here to express it to you on how important you can be in my heart and soul everyday and night.

You are like my goal in life, everything i did was related to you. All the thing i do now is for our future if not because of your existence i would be a trash. Really.. Because i got no guildline and thing make me stiving for more. Ya my parents was another factors but if combined with yours, i can feel that the strength is amazing. The strength is like the center of nuclear explosion, really really powerful. I really want to thank you that i can have you in this world for me and at the same time admire you. You are the one that motivated me to strive for more in life both in study and job now.

All i can do now is just remain steady and hoping the best from you. I really hope that we can do many things together..Every morning i didn hope for breakfast but your smile on me..that is more delicious and healthier than any wholemeal breakfast. Lunch time i just need to have a glimps on ur face that i am full with energy to continue my work liaw. In the evening we will have our dinner together in anywhere you want. Because you will be my decision maker or captain in life hehehe... and i know you will not like a guy like this, so i will do my best and make the most appropriate decision for you and me so by doing the best decision i choose to admire you in his lifetime eventhough i never be with you, like you and love you till the end......of me.......

That is my hope on my relationship side..that i can spend my life with you, see you eveyday, if can having breakfast, lunch and dinner together...at nite watching tv with you till you fall asleep...I really really one to be a part of your life, and i wouldn't dissapoint you...And i am sure you will not regret for sharing your time with me...